Skaptopara 0

 

The tranquility of the AUBG campus was broken once and forever on a lovely, sunny day in October, 2008, with the sensational groundbreaking of the new residence hall. Skaptopara 3 was a frequent subject of discussion throughout the previous year, along with other already well-established and showing-no-sign-of-ever-getting-obsolete conversation topics at AUBG, like how badly the present SG sucks, the amount of free beer at an SG Party, the administration's bad decisions, professor absenteeism, inefficient pre-registration process, and the possible existence of extraterrestrial life on campus.

Kudos to whoever built Skaptopara 3, even the smell of fresh mortar and paint is pulling you to go inside and check out every floor (Well, all the floors are the same, but you don't know that until you check them all out, right?!). One of the things that stand out most in Skaptopara 3 is that every floor is painted in a different color, and not just in plain white as the previous two residence halls. I feel like I'm in an asylum every time I take my laundry down to the basement because of those cold white walls, and I expect some crazy patient with his hands tightly tied around his waist to run out yelling something in Bulgarian, which, of course, I would not be able to understand unless he is asking if I want a menu (Speaking of menus, why don't they change the name of Skaptopara 3 to Skaptopara 0? Would make more sense to the food delivery chaps, wouldn't it?).

The administration's plans for the new residence hall were promising. Skaptopara 3 was supposed to have everything its counterparts are missing: huge lobbies with comfy furniture, spacious rooms for two with king-size beds (and the thingy you install in a bed to make it vibrate by clicking a button), plasma TVs on every floor with Dolby Surround sound systems, state-of-art computer labs, six bowling lanes in the basement, a bar with stripper poles, a Swedish sauna, a badminton court, indoor go-kart racing lanes, an olympic size beer pong court and a special room with a time-travelling machine for those who want to go back in time to retake their exams.

All the comforts described above come at a price. "The extra $150 the residents of Skaptopara 3 will be charged is far from being enough to cover the costs of the new residence hall," said Thunder Thundrov. A student representative to the how-to-break-even committee, Ally Waitor, came up with a bright idea to turn the Skaptopara 3 elevators into money-making machines - they will cost 10 stotinki per ride! Waitor has been missing for two months already, if you have any information about her whereabouts, please keep it to yourself.

In addition to the rip-off elevators, the administration will also charge students when entering the building. Every time a student uses his/her card to open the door of the new residence hall, a sum of 4.99 stotinki will be automatically deducted from his/her student account. Of course, the introduction of the extra costs was met with a strong opposition: "That will Suck!" said one of the prominent leaders of the AUBG student body. "Now I understand why there are no balconies in Skaptopara 3. It seems like the smokers will have to stay on work and travel programs additional three months just to pay off their university bills!" said WAT030. "People who live on the ground floor should not care about the entrance doors anyways, they can use their windows to get into their rooms," Notgy Vinshet, an exchange student from Lapland, said.