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Which CockTail would you like? (Illustration by Viktoriya Muresh)

The end of the semester: Hurricane
About a week more to go and all you want to do is study. Reading, Google-ing and typing is all you wanna do; writing papers is your drug, you'd kill someone who'd dare distract you. You listen to the New Young Pony Club and the Mindless Self Indulgence and forget to eat, not only because your fridge is empty, but also because gulping on the infinite resources of the Internet and the AUBG Library fuels your brain, which has long since merged with your stomach. Cheap and auspicious. No, mom, I am not hungry here. Yes, mom, I am studying all the time (Shshshsh, bottoms up!).

The sleepless nights: Cactus Banger or The Screaming Orgasm
Do you even remember all of them? Skapto computer labs. MB Labs. Couches. Books. Airan during the days, coffee at nights (uh, those coffee machines <3 ). Lobbies. Bars. Clubs. Taxies. On the mountain behind Varosha. "Paparazzi." "Kebap 13." In the river. Soaked on the streets. Melnik. Sofia. Thessaloniki. Where-not. Highly likely - in someone's bed. Equally likely - in a stranger's bed (the door was unlocked, ooops). Highly unlikely - in your own bed, hugging the phone. Or, God forbid, hugging the toilet. Do not confuse Bang-a-Cactus with the Cactus Banger, that's a DON'T.
Hangovers: Liquid Cocaine
No, the world has not ended. Naah, it was not an earthquake. Nope, no fire alarms in Skapto last night. Neh, your roommate did not have sex on the bottom bunk of your bed. How many fingers? Five? No, actually four and a thumb. Don't worry, your head will not fall off from spinning it so hard. An airan a day keeps hangover away.

Seizing the days: The Redheaded Slut
Days full of sleeping/hallucinating from the lack of sleep/facebooking/playing World of Warcraft/pretending to study/listening to music more than it's healthy/staring at the donkey outside your window/dreaming you were over there on that snowy mountain peak instead of being locked in this cupboard box... Carpe diem with a mate, The Redheaded Slut.

Family relationship with the roommies: Woo Woo
They saw your underwear more times than your beloved. They know how many times you shower and do your laundry. They keep track of their food in the fridge to tell you what's yours in case you forget. You have jokes no one but them understands. You have pet names and same favorite songs. Or you hate them and long wish you had a 4.0 GPA. Or two. Just kidding. You don't hate them that much, just a little bit. Just enough to talk to them in the language they don't understand, and play chalga/black metal for them. Poo. I meant, WOOO!

The end of food in your fridge: Aggravation
What's that smell of decay? Ah, new civilizations emerged in the jar. Good you were so drunk last night you went to bed without realizing you haven't eaten all day. Otherwise you'd have eaten THIS. It used to be a juicy-looking kebapche. Or a piece of toast with shunka. Or whatever it was... The death has given way to new life. Shut the fridge and let life prevail.

The empty wallet: Brandy Alexander
Last summer I did what? Right, WAT. Guess for what. Uhuh. I know what GPA is, and I've seen green fairies. Now I'm trying to recycle the $100 books and/or free my shelves from the empty bottles. I've played beer-pong, but I've also been a diligent student, you know. What about this summer? No, thanks, I'm graduating. I have to think about my future. I can't damage my manicures and gain weight eating hamburgers, I have to look presentable. Maybe some employer in my home country will buy me.

Four-or-more-year marathon at AUBG: any solution with C2H5OH straight up
Sorry, but there is more than a thousand of us here. All equal members of the community. Everyone is for everyone. All perfectly-bred alphas: invincible, indestructible. Future leaders. Alcohol-friendly nomination is symbolically representative - the prize goes to all of us! Keep it up.

Being free as a dog: Sex on the Beach
Ah, all those cute puppies! How many times have you shared your pizza and beer with them; how many times have you chased each other around in a playful craze, and howled at the drunken moon?! You envied those sweet puppies, always free, not having to study and pay deposits, and having plenty of food thrown away by careless AUBGers. Well, sooner or later, you'll be as free. You'll leave the AUBG prison. The whole new life is ahead of you. Think while you think you are not free. Think it through sweetie.

The end of the world: Kamikaze
You think it is coming in 2012? Or your facebook test told you you'll die a few years later? In any case, enjoy your time wasting, not wasted. Bottoms up!

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[Editorial note] All cocktail names are real.